[2014.02.27] I can't do it.

I can't do it I can't do it I can't do it I can't do it

I can't deal with the uncertainty that he can leave at any point in time

I can't deal with being anxious over what is wrong and I can't deal with the anxiety that comes along with discussing serious matters I can't deal with handling how I will affect him with my words I can't deal with worrying about how he is and if he is okay I can't deal with feeling that obligation to talk to him I can't deal with

I can't deal with a relationship or a friend of special sorts because I can't even deal with myself how do you expect me to handle another human being

I can't deal with having false hope where it doesn't belong, and so I am officially backing out of this, I am backing out of making any moves with Patrick because I can't deal with it. I can't. I can't deal with the emotional trauma that comes along for the joy ride of a romantic interaction with another. I am not emotionally well enough yet. I'm just not. I can't deal with it.