[2012.02.27] Desperation.

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[2012.02.27] Desperation.

Post  DianaLu on Mon Feb 27, 2012 8:14 pm

Loneliness sucks. It also sucks even more when you're so desperate for some sort of social interaction, in hopes to alleviate your loneliness, that you become annoying. And when you become annoying, no one wants to be around you. Desperation alone is the catalyst to loneliness. It sucks, you know?

I mean, I know I can't be around people 24/7 and I know the world does not revolve around me. But I just feel like no one is there for me. Sure, they say they are. But are they really? No.

I dislike that fact that I always say I'm forever alone, cause I don't even like that phrase. But really, it's true. At the moment, anyway. I mean, sure, I am surrounded by friends and I have multiple friends and sometimes I berate myself for thinking I'm forever alone after seeing all these wonderful friends around me. But it's times like these where I really question my friendships.

It sucks being so excited but having no one to be excited with. It sucks. To me, that's what true loneliness is. To not be able to share things with people, to keep everything bottled up inside with no one to tell them to. The only one you can count on is yourself. The only one who is there for you is yourself.

And see, when you're lonely, you start to think things. What is wrong with me? Why don't people like me? Is it something I said? But, I just want friends! Why do they hate me? Why are they repulsed by me? Why don't they want to talk to me? Why don't they care?

But if you were to ever voice your concerns, your "friends" would only see you as needy and annoying. Desperate. And sure, you can kid all you want about being alone and needing social interaction, but behind every joke is the truth. And sometimes, you're subconsciously hoping that someone will hear your plea, your cry for help, your desperation. But you know what? No one does.

And that sucks.
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DianaLu
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