[2012.03.30] What does he see in me?

Why would someone like Jamie be interested in someone like me? I'm so small, I look like a 12 year old. My teeth aren't perfect like his, my lips not as flawless. My cheeks not as pinchable. My chest not as large as other girls, my skin not as soft. I don't look like those scene girls he posts on Tumblr. My awkwardness, my inability to properly socialize, my unknowledge of all things social. I'm such a derp sometimes. I'm so unattractive personality wise. I'm crazy. I'm desperate and clingy and creeper-y. I don't know the right things to say or do and I don't know what to do around him.

Not like him. Every word that comes out of his mouth is perfect. He knows exactly what to say to make me swoon. He's got this power over me, he's got me anchored to him and I just can't shake it. He doesn't realize what his hugs do to me, every time he touches me or comes close to me. His presence is intoxicating and he smells so freaking wonderful, I can't even think straight when I think about it. I just want to be around him all the time, because he's so generous and charismatic.

Does he think my happiness will make him feel better about his condition? Does he think that I am capable of pulling him out of his self created chasm of sadness? That perhaps by being around happy people, he too can be happy?

But you see, I don't even think he thinks about me that much. I don't think he replays the moments we've shared together like I do. I don't think anything reminds him of me. I don't think he smiles at the thought of me or the memory of me or anything. I really don't.

I hate when this happens.