May 10th, 2012: T__T

I complain when we go out to eat for dinner, the only time I really speak with my fam is when my mom drives me in the morning or at 1AM in the night, everything is just stress stress stress. I'm not even getting anything done. I feel terrible. I don't like procrastinating and I really don't wanna. I feel like though it seems as though I am kinda working hard, it's not efficient AT ALL and i really need to fix that, and yet I still manage to sit the entire day at my computer until my butt gets numb until 12:40AM when I finally go shower. And some days I don't even cause I'm a dirty child ugh. When summatives are done I'm going to jump into Behrad's pool with all my clothes on. After grad of course, nobody wants to get sick. But seriously, ugh. How am I going to handle later years...
I just want to finish off this year the best I can, to the best of my ability and work, I want to get good grades.
And plus, I've realized that htese past fe weeks, I've gotten cockier. I don't like it when people say others are smarter than me, and I don't like to admit that I"m wrong. I don't like experiencing things that I don't understand. And this makes me frustrated, because I always tell myself that I lack confidence, yet at the same time I have alot of pride. I secretly do believe that I am very intelligent, and sometimes I do feel that I am superior above others. I secretly really hope that I can get 1 or 2 awards at grad, and if I don't, to be honest I'll be a little disappointed. I just really want to do well. And this idea kind of makes me confused and I'm struggling in my own mind, because what am I an unconfident person or a cocky person with lots of pride trying to act humble but isn't actually? I know I'm not the best in the world, but right now that's what I'm thinking. I am secretly thinking that I am working harder than all you people, that's why I deserve more. Sigh.

Well, let's hope that all things will go well, please don't stress yourself so hard Chanel, you're being a jerk to everybody especially family. I'm so rude to grandma, my mom, Ron, and my dad as well. It's just terrible. Ugh PLEASE let these 2 months fly by. PLEASE